Everyone's Life Isn't as it Seems

As a therapist, I have a unique perspective, that while everyone may be working their hardest to be the very best individual, couple or family they can be. And while the strongest of people seek counseling to help themselves work through the shameful, guilty, self-doubt and self-loathing that can be so painful to peel back layer by layer, these same wonderful individuals are human. They often, for many reasons that a may be healthy or less healthy present an image to the world that is inconsistent with what they feel inside themselves, in there families or with their partners. Social media has been one of the largest growing ways that I have seen adult client and friends crumble and struggle because they are comparing themselves to a fantasy about someone else. Facebook is the highlight reel. It is not a replacement for getting down in the dirt with very close friends and your therapist and telling them about the ugly, uncomfortable and painful parts of you. The real connection that is a universal, existential need does not get fulfilled by electronic communication. It can keep us avoiding intimacy and depth with our real friends because we think we get our need met in this busy world by shooting off texts, posting on social media or even talking on the phone (which still allows for separation and lack of a true connection. I challenge myself as a challenge you, when you are feeling lonely or empty to reach out to one person (or many until you find one who knows they aren't too busy to sit face to face and talk). Aim to talk about one piece of you and hear one piece about them that goes deeper. Share a little bit of the torn pieces of you. Perhaps the ragged edges if not the gaping wound. And remember that their highlight real is just that. It doesn't mean their social media is all fake nor does it mean that yours is. What it means is that we aren't wired to share our debts with hundreds of friends in a status update. We are meant to connect. See if it lessens the loneliness and fills the emptiness just a little.We don't bond by seeing each other perfections, we bond by seeing each other for who we really are.